new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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