Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize