I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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