I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
