I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
