help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Randomize
