In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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