so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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