no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
