i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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