I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
