Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
