and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
