i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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