No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
wow bdsm is so cute
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