I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize