We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
