3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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