My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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