I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All I want is dick and wine.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
