i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
