i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
