I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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