Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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