if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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