honey bunches of taint.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
