DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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