Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
