i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
