I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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