There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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