Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
