when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
