dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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