Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
