Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
