just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
