At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Panties = found
Randomize
