The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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