she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
