Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
