We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
