Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
