she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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