ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
