we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
