just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize