I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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