awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
