so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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