You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
