allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
