2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
