i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
should my penis look like a turkey
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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