Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
