Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
