I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
