Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
