Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
