Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
