i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
