new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
