epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
