he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize